‘Ambulance’: Dead on arrival

[{"selector":"#anim-132b04a0-05d2-4af7-bbe9-7df07fb2b0c8","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] The English language, graced with such a vast and colorful collection of adjectives and adverbs, is insufficient to adequately explain just how deplorable this film is. The English language, graced with such a vast and colorful collection of adjectives and adverbs, is insufficient to adequately explain just how deplorable this film is.

[{"selector":"#anim-d9f84a8a-326e-45df-9d36-d434225f39b3","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] Chris Fedak’s bone-stupid, so-called script hasn’t a shred of credibility, and his dialogue is as limp as a dead banana. Chris Fedak’s bone-stupid, so-called script hasn’t a shred of credibility, and his dialogue is as limp as a dead banana.

[{"selector":"#anim-e808be96-89a3-4c1b-a737-b8de50736343","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] The one-dimensional acting ranges from ludicrously stoic — notably Garret Dillahunt’s somnambulant, I’ve-wandered-in-from-another-movie portrayal of LAPD tactical SIS Capt. Monroe The one-dimensional acting ranges from ludicrously stoic — notably Garret Dillahunt’s somnambulant, I’ve-wandered-in-from-another-movie portrayal of LAPD tactical SIS Capt. Monroe

[{"selector":"#anim-0ffe446a-c35f-4b07-963d-0dd11824fcbc","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] Cinematographer Roberto De Angelis relies heavily on swooping, swooshing, barrel-roll, upside-down, skyscraper-hugging drone shots guaranteed to send unprepared viewers into motion Cinematographer Roberto De Angelis relies heavily on swooping, swooshing, barrel-roll, upside-down, skyscraper-hugging drone shots guaranteed to send unprepared viewers into motion

[{"selector":"#anim-6bdb01b2-7857-4c28-9a30-006bc85e36b4","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] Note to Mr. Bay: The mere fact that you can do something with drone cameras, doesn’t mean you should. And the result sure as hell isn’t anything approaching art or craft. Note to Mr. Bay: The mere fact that you can do something with drone cameras, doesn’t mean you should. And the result sure as hell isn’t anything approaching art or craft.

[{"selector":"#anim-34d3e44e-8504-496c-ba03-2c0ca2335d8b","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] Decorated military veteran Will Sharp (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), at wit’s end trying to navigate insurance restrictions, Decorated military veteran Will Sharp (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), at wit’s end trying to navigate insurance restrictions,

[{"selector":"#anim-276e894e-2020-41e2-8bdb-40ef67c51351","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] can’t get clearance for the expensive surgery required to fix his wife’s unspecified medical condition. can’t get clearance for the expensive surgery required to fix his wife’s unspecified medical condition.

[{"selector":"#anim-6b07484c-4e57-4b8f-96e1-dc21793318a1","keyframes":{"opacity":[0,1]},"delay":0,"duration":2500,"easing":"cubic-bezier(0.4, 0.4, 0.0, 1)","fill":"both"}] Naturally, Bay assumed that this earlier film’s sole flaw was its brevity, hence this bloated 136-minute remake. Naturally, Bay assumed that this earlier film’s sole flaw was its brevity, hence this bloated 136-minute remake.